Lori's Dark and Twisted Mind

FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!! GO AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!

Blah! I have changed the http: for my blogger.

Damn Blogger
I have removed the link from my weblog to my xanga. There is a reason for this. If u need the webpage, just look in my profile or im me for it.

ATTENTION: My Weblog Has Moved!
Hannah suggested I start a new weblog using Xanga. So I am trying it out. Look in my profile for the link or ask me. I may still use this one from time to time. I haven't gotten use to Xange yet...so we will see how it goes. But so far, I like it much more. Well visit my new weblog!

Attention, I Have Something To Say!
Well I did have something to say and for about half an hour it was up on my weblog. But I got to thinking and felt bad for being kinda mean. So it is edit time once again for my weblog entry. Sorry all... here is the edited version:

I wish I could say I don't care about you, but I can't and for that I am beating myself up and hating myself for it. I am sick of this bullshit. I am sick of letting you make me feel like I am nothing and worthless. I wish you would read this and actually get a fucking hint that I am pissed off at you/hurt by some of this things you do or say. I wish even more that you would read this and actually care. I don't know what hurts my feelings more, you not noticing or not caring...because it is one of these. Oh well...I should just stop caring and go out to meet new guys. Damnit! "Stop caring damnit!!!" *smack self* Damnit, I hate myself and you suck!

Tell Me What You Think
How would you describe me? What type of person do you think I am? Leave you comments on the comments page thingy.

New Update!
Alright everyone I just tried to get this new thing to work. It should allow for you to comment on my weblog entries. So enjoy and try not to be too mean or gross in ur comments. Lets hope I got it to work!!

Whats The Point of Starting A Relationship When It Will Eventually End in Heart Break?
Alright, I have been sitting at the end of this hall for an hour now trying to study chemistry, but the whole time I just have all these questions and comments running through my head. As I sat here trying to study, Donald came and began talking to Lucy at the other end of the hall. So I began to think and wonder. What really is a relationship? Is it just talking on the phone, hanging out, and making out? Or is there more? Does making a relationship work depend on how much time you spend together and how much time you are on the phone with them? Is that how you make a relationship work, by talking on the phone with them for hours on end and hanging out? Or is there some mystery thing that needs to be there, that I just haven’t been able to find yet to make a relationship work? Really what is the point of the relationship? If you think about it, a relationship is just a really good friendship where you make out with that person and only that person. So does that mean that you can’t have that with someone else and just not have to deal with the crap that comes with making it an official relationship? And does that mean that if you don’t make the relationship official, that you can’t get your heart as broken since there isn’t as much pointless shit to deal with? I look at Don down the hall talking to Lucy and I all I can think about is “this is what we are all hoping for?/!” It seems like everyone my age spends a great deal of time worrying about relationships or the lack there of. Seriously, look at how much time we spend trying to make ourselves look good for the opposite sex, how much time we talk with our friends about that special guy that we happen to have a crush on at the moment, or talk about the guy that just dumped you. Maybe instead of spending all that time worrying about guys, relationships and other related crap, we should just be chilling and forgetting about it. Maybe instead of trying to start a relationship with some guy that will just in the end break you heart, you should just hang out with your friends and watch a movie that does NOT involve any stupid relationships (i.e. no chick flicks). When you really think about relationships, we put all this time and energy into them; talking on the phone with your partner, spending time with them, doing other crap to try to make it work, when usually in the end they fall apart into nothing. What’s the point of even trying? What’s the point of even starting a relationship when you know most likely it will fail? And I hate how people are always like “oh I am going to be with this person for the rest of my life.” That’s bullshit. Most relationships end and what maybe that one will maybe eventually turn into marriage. But really, what’s so great about marriage anyways? Most marriages these days end as well. So even when you think you have found Mr. Right and get married there is no safety in knowing it will last forever. And I hate how relationships are always “we.” No they are usually the chick trying to be “we” and the guy trying to get out of it or not giving a flying fuck. Seriously, most guys are only interested in their cock and not the relationship. Guys are full of shit! I really don’t see the point of starting a relationship when it will just end in heart break…why even bother with it? Maybe instead of becoming boyfriend and girlfriend, you should just be good friends that happen to make out once in awhile. Because maybe then you can mange to avoid the heart break that would eventually happen if you were an official couple.

Is Having No Expectations the Way to Go?
Is this what we have come to….no expectations for each other and allowing certain people to get away with being an ass just because they can? Seriously, do we allow for low expectations for these people simply because they keep being asses? It’s sad that we allow for ourselves to give out low expectations for others being jackasses because on a regular basis they are mean jerks and we for some odd reason take this shit. Maybe instead of changing our views and allowing them to get away with being an ass, we should just stand up to them and say “hey, you’re being mean and being an uncaring jackass. That’s not right and I won’t deal with it.” It’s sad that we have come to a point where it is ok for people to be mean to each other all the time and not care about each other. It’s sad that we have lowered our expectations of people simply because if we have normal expectations for them they will never live up to them. And if this happens for one person, who is to say it won’t happen to everyone. So maybe, eventually we will all have no expectations for each other and not care about each other at all. Wow, that’s a very sad thought. I hope that never happens. I hope that no one ever lowers their expectations for me. I would rather them talk to me about what bugs them about me. Maybe I am expecting too much. I don’t know….is it really too much for people who you think you are friends with to actually care about you as a friend. To care when you are upset, to want to hang out and have a good time, to not ignore you, to laugh, to just be. But maybe I am fool enough to actually think we are friends. Maybe he says “you sure we are friends,” but he really is thinking “god damn, I hate you. You annoy me. Of course we are not friends, but I will just bullshit this so I don’t have to deal with you being a bitch again.” Maybe I am just blind to what is really there…which is nothing. Maybe I am diluted and totally wack. Maybe I should just shut the fuck up and stop caring. But the sad thing is, I still care and I want to still care. I still have hope that there is a way to become good friends. But maybe once my hope and happiness has been completely crushed by him, I will finally not care anymore. Maybe that’s how you get over it; you let your hope and caring for that person be completely crushed. Or maybe it’s by caring that you deal. I seriously don’t know…anyone have a suggestion? I think I will listen to Hannah’s advice…although I don’t know if it will make a difference. I hope it does. I want this bullshit over. I want to be able to feel nothing and be ok with whatever happens or doesn’t happen. I want to know that if I do start doing what Hannah says I should do, that it will actually do something, he will actually notice and give a shit. But maybe that is too much to hope for, since it probably won’t ever happen. Oh well, enough of wishing and wanting and imagining what I prefer to happen. The point is he probably doesn’t give a shit and probably won’t ever. So I should get use to him not giving a shit and/ or not noticing. Well, I think its time for a nap or maybe some more rum, or maybe rum and then a nap.

Men vs. Women
Alright, I just spent half an hour watching Sex and the City. Now I am filled with all kinds of questions that all relate to relationships, guys and chicks. I have been trying to understand the mind of a man lately with no success. Maybe the fundamental difference between women and men is the simply the most basic of things. If you study the sexes in other species, you find the males of the species are only interested mating and eating. They normally have very little involvement in the care of the offspring (of course this is different depending on the species, but females usually spend far more time caring for the offspring then the males do). While the males are off impregnating other females, the already pregnant female is left with caring for the offspring of that horny male. The female spends far more time invested in this child and usually becomes emotionally attached. So is male being totally obsessed with sex and females being more emotionally attached just an instinct and/or genetic programming?/! While back I think I heard about this medical study done by some trustworthy place that studied the minds of men and women. I think at the end of the study they concluded that women usually have different areas of the brain that are more active versus men who have other parts of the brain the are more active. So does this mean that the fundamental difference between men and women is basically a difference in levels of chemicals in the brain?/! It has been noted in many studies that women’s brains are smaller then men’s; with men having an average of 15% larger brains, and in another study it was found that “suggests a higher density of neurons in female brains.” It was also found that men usually have larger Bed Nucleus of the Stria Terminalis (BSTc), critical in sexual behavior. So I guess that explains why men have more sexual urges. In addition, scientists have found that women usually use both sides of their brain, while men usually use one or the other. Another question I have been thinking about lately is how men don’t seem to have any emotions other then rage, lust, and laughter. Well, maybe I have found something that can explain that difference. In a study done by University of Florida, they found that “although men and women are equally expressive, men display most of their joy, disgust or other sentiments in the lower left quadrant of their face [and] women, on the other hand, show their emotions across their entire countenance.” So does that explain how women seem to have more emotions then men do…or at least express them more? All I have to say is, how do they expect women and men to totally get along when we are so different. Is it possible to find a soul mate and it being a man? A soul mate is usually defined as a person who you can totally connect with, who totally understands you, accepts you for who you are, someone you can share your life with. Well if that is what a soul mate, then who says it has to be a man. Maybe your true soul mates are your best friends. Seriously…think about it. Your best friends (and by best friends, I mean those few people that you are very close with and understand each other) you usually connect with on some level (otherwise you probably won’t be friends b/c u won’t have anything in common), they usually understand you, they accept you how you are (they often accept you much more then an sexual partner can…usually a gf/bf will want to change something about you but friends often don’t want to change your personality…at least not at any huge extent), and they are someone who you can enjoy life with and spend time with. Maybe we (as in men and women) are just so different in how we think and how we act, that men and women aren’t meant to understand each other. Maybe we are just meant to just fuck. With every other species, the different sexes seem to be able to coexist in a much more hassle-free way. Is this because females of other species do not expect the males to be faithful and do not get emotionally attached? Alright I think this is an enough questioning of the sexes and relationships for one night. But I must say, talking to Andrew tonight has given a little more faith in males…although I know tomorrow it will be crushed by one of the guys and I bet I can guess the exact guy that will do it too. Well enough of my semi-bitchy comments.